Beef Despair

[My other episode transcript is a porsche]

J: Welcome to Train Hot Dog, the podcast where i talk to myself on a train. I'm here with special guest, April.

A: Where he's also talking to me. So it's not just himself.

-Also to you, the listener! Today we're going to be talking about stadium food. But first: Rider Mail!

- (laughs)

- Alright, hang on when I find the Rider Mail; I have --

- Hey -- did you ever...

- What's up?

- ... Did you ever do that train the Train Hot Dogs that we did when we were on the road trip?

- I did post those, yes.

- I'm that person.

- Ah, this -- that's right, yeah; also, from Steam Hot Dog.

- That's right.

- Ah, this... Rider's from the 516 area code. This Rider writes, "What the fuck?" Or I ... so I assume; it could be any ... four-letter word that starts with 'F' and then has three asterisks.

- Yeah like what the ff...

- Fork.

- Fart.

- (dryly) 'What the fart"?

- (laughs)

- Ah, there's another Rider Mail if I can just find it...

- (pause) That's a lot of mail.

- Yeah this is all of - mail that i have looked at and mark -- or -- and/or marked as 'Read.' And there's another one that I marked as 'Unread.' Here we go. This Rider is from the Gustav Klimt area code. This Rider writes, "Gustav Klimt has sent you a $15 Subway eGift Card..."

- (impressed) Wow.

- "...Your Subway eGift Card is redeemable at participating stores in the US via the Subway App, or via order.subway.com. Click the link below to claim your gift!"

- Maybe we can get Subway at the stadium.

- Maybe. (thinks) Ah, but, um ... in case we don't, what else might we find at the stadium?

- I dunno; we should Google it.

- Oh.

- Oh. But there's a ... (laughs, realizing) you were asking me. (laughs)

- (laughs) Yes! (laughs) so --

- There are hot dogs ...

- Presumably they have Cream Of Wheat.

- (pronounces each food very distinctly) ... Bratwursts ...

- Bratwursts, okay ...

- ... um, beer?

- (repeats) Beer.

- By the bucket ...

- (amused) Really? They sell buckets?

- (confirms) Buckets of beer.

- Uh huh?

(train noises start getting louder)

- Ah ... there are nachos ...

(train noises start getting very loud)

- (louder) Uh huh?

- ... burritos ...

(train noises suddenly grow very quiet again)

- D'they have burritos ...?

- ... steak sandwiches ... (CUT)

- (impressed) Whoa.

- (unsure) I think. ... I believe I've seen those before...

- (thinking it over) Okay ...

- ... (CUT) uh, and chocolate malts ...

- (jazzed) Oh, man. Malts're pretty delicious.

- You eat them with a wooden spoon.

- Really?

- (matter-of-fact) That's what they come with!

- So, is this literally just a box-- like a melted down box of Whoppers?

- No, it's like ice cream. Chocolate malt ice cream.

- I see. Okay, so ... ah this, I searched for 'stadium food' and the results are all "Best Stadium Food", or "Insane Stadium Foods"; what I'm actually looking for is, like, "Most Regular Stadium Foods". I'll -- 'kay -- I'll search for that.

- 'most common ...'

- 'most regular ..."

- (approving) 'most regular...' the one -- like, they keep you regular?

- Yeahh, let's just ...

- (flatly) For pooping.

- ... prunes on a stick. ... Ehh! (disbelieving) I searched for 'most regular' and it gave me 'most insane'!

- (chuckles)

- (to search engine) This is the opposite of what I want, DuckDuckGo! ... Ridiculous.

- Uhm-hm.

- 'Ridiculous Stadium Foods'.

- Oh there's -- look: '6 Regular..."

- Yeah, it's ... Yeah, OK...

- It says it right there.

- ... yeah, that word is included ...

- Yup.

- Ah, "Highest Prices" (listing with contempt), "Best", "Best" ...

- Let's search for 'best Oakland A's food'.

- (laughing) ... Okay ...

- Because that's where we're going.

- Okay. (typing again) 'best oak land' -- (declares) "The Land of Oaks!"

- "Until We Cut them All Down."

- (aside) I tried to type 'A's' and it said 'ass'.

- (chuckles) That's ... pretty much how they've been playing this year.

- Yeah?

- Yeah.

- (like a catchphrase) Sports!

(both laugh)

- Ah ... "What to eat at the Coliseum, home of the Oakland A's. -Eater"-- - Oh there we go; this looks promising. - "-EaterSF." This is good; I'm glad we did this. "Eater: In stark opposition to the glorious food options at AT&T Park" -- where's AT&T Park? - That's in San Francisco. - Is that the Giants' thing? - Yes.

- Okay. ... They don't call that, just The Giants Stadium?

- None of them get called by their real name 'cause they're all sponsored by big companies. - Right. Yeah, I remember when, ah -- -It's the world we live in. - -- Jack Murphy Stadium in uh, San Diego was getting renovations, and the city couldn't pay for the renovations ... - Petco Park, or whatever it is, now? - At the time, ah, Qualcomm paid for the renovations. -Ohh. - After all -- I know it's -- there's a new name now, and again ... -In downtown San Diego, there's like Petco... Stadium... -Petco Park! -or something like that right. And the only reason I know that is because it's right next to where. Comic-con is right. Yeah. Even when you're talking about I don't know. I'm not talking about qualcomm stadium but know that I stocky friendship. Graphically i'm not i'm lost. Ok i just remember a guy on the news saying we can call it the queue and then. There's there's an ad that used to play and maybe still does. Advertising san diego's like trolley system. I like the Charlie there and. If you get it rhymed. If you want to take us when we can take you to the surf and if you want to see. The game we can take you to the murph because it used to be called jack murphy. Stadium and then they just changed it to change the song we can take you to the. Queue but it doesn't rhyme with surf. Okay what's it says the skip the saga pizzas okay. Head towards the BBQ sauces we're going to do that anyway you need to reference. This guy before braving at all kyndra's barbecue. It's a crowd-pleaser. Barbecued sir line. Insulation trips and things what kind of things do you think like ribs are no. Longer ribs attach this to the vertebrae. Yeah that's probably what it is make a beeline for this barbecue stand every. Season for the tender pork ribs and moist tri-tip. Moist is trying to check the tri-corner hats. It is triangular shaped piece of meat really. Yes ok so like Oh old-timey like colonial times people would wear them on. Their heads. Yes because they just said you know beef to spit her SOGs club level. That's what I'm thinking about I got excited because I assume sog was indian. Food. No it's it's it's like sausages yeah. Ok that's still good it's good the burger shack. Wait wait is this field level oh this is just like tell you like we're the three. Stand I I had assumed like field level was like a ranking that they like a. Fancy way of saying this is like at ground level. Food no its literal food on the ground that much food and find on the ground it. This plaza level. Wait I should see if they have any adjectives. No adjectives a selection of ice cream bars and sandwiches that's I think it's. Now just like telling you all the places you can eat. It's not just like okay this one says it's a safe bet. Delhi - 15. Ok so do you think. Do you think Chloe shoulder house ate everything. Or they ate something from every one of these places I sure hope so because like. I think what happened was that she ordered three things from Kendrick you. Represent things and sox club level and was full and then just was descriptive. For the rest of it. It's possible you know if they don't pay these reporters much nowadays. I don't think it hit him at all today I mean I i I'm presuming that the San. Francisco eater. Wait this is Sophia lorenzi who was Claudia. Chloe field house was. Wait so this the byline is Sophia lorenzi but then it's signed. Chloe's field house something is afoot. I think we need to hire an investigative journalists we are the investigative. Journalists right. Okay well according to this we should eat the BBQ step. Ok that's good enough for me advocating all right now that we've got that out of. The way we still have to keep talking into this phone until we arrive. Or we could just make the wind. But the measure didn't get a fairly whistle and home at the same time and. It's really disturbing and funny. You can't tell though because of all the wind thanks just have to take my word on. It. We used to say that but don't take my word for all that was on the reading. Rainbow guy right yeah the guy with the slit. I left the slits on glasses / space that was when he was a star trek. Not when he was been reading rainbow Oh LeVar Burton. Yeah i know i didn't like kickstart are really great go again and then like just. Keep all the money or something I don't know what we can find this out. We're almost at the stadium yeah well we google in time readers. Oh you're not reading reading. Listener rain bow their readers they could the transcript reading rainbow is. An American children's TV series that aired on PBS kids. Sorry guys that's all the time we have for forward for first stadium hot dog. Yeah. Also like did Reading Rainbow d fraud our children to defraud them. That's a word I mean I know but like its just oh and understand what it's what. They're trying to say. Okay where's the Kickstarter accolades. We got relaunched as a nap. There's an app it was presented that worldwide developers conference. It's arrived iphone it's an ipad app. Okay well that's oh no no there's another thing Kickstarter revival. Campaign it after Matt okay anything with an aftermath is bad news. All right talk to you later guys we're trying to get the ring off the train